Ritual of Destruction

[hearnoplague]

[ So, Kallamar was going to just burn the conques Lobelia left behind in the Seagull cabana, but apparently that's a bad idea.

So instead, he just brought them all in a drawstring backpack and invited people to do as they wished with them. Happy destroying! ]

(OOC Note: The shells will release whatever sound was stored in them upon destruction. Have fun with that. )

Comments

[stilllovesyou]

[There's something amazing about that, she decides.]

I think you're better at it than me.

[She can't bring herself to love him. She can't bring herself to mourn him. She's not sure if she hates him, in the moment she felt like she did but now he's just meat. There's no point in hating meat. She can't understand the vindictive rage of the others any more than she can understand Lacus' grief.

It's alien. Human in a way that Nona hasn't figured out how to be yet. So she touches Lacus' arm and leans her head against Lacus' shoulder.]

I'm sorry that your friend killed my friend. And that your friend turned into meat. I still love you.

[idologue]

Nona... I still love you, too.

[ Lacus isn't sure what she expected from her - something more complicated, perhaps? But Nona is always straight-forward. Lacus wraps her arm around her shoulder - a gesture of support, of love, that she couldn't give earlier today, but means all the more now. ]

But... I don't think it's a matter of being 'good' at it. There is no shame in not being able to love him. Nobody can expect you to, after all this.

[stilllovesyou]

[That's the third time someone's said they love her out loud today. Beel, Crea, Lacus. The words don't mean much because the feelings mean so much more - and she saw and felt them already, but it still makes her feel fuzzy.]

I know.

[She does, really. Nona isn't smart or strong or competent, but she does have her good nature most of the time. It's her asset. What she brings to the table.]

I'm just not used to being unable to understand. It's so weird being in there and being completely blind to what other people are feeling...

Do you hate anyone, Lacus?

[idologue]

[ 'Understanding', huh? That seems to be what all of this comes down to. What Lobelia wanted, what Lacus wanted, what the others were unable to give at the time... Not understanding is painful. Lacus feels the same. ]

I don't hate anybody here.

[ She didn't particularly like Vergilius, but hatred? No, that is a word far far too strong. ]

I try not to hate people. Hatred only breeds more hatred. But... yes, there's somebody in my own world whom I hated once. He died years ago.

[ And good fucking riddance. ]

[stilllovesyou]

You didn't like Vergilius, though.

[She can tell, of course. She can always tell.]

There's a lot of hate around the city where I'm from. They hate Necromancers and call them zombies, but all the Necromancers I know are lovely and nice, or they're the Captain in which case they're neither of those things but I like them still.

I only hate people when I'm really cross and on the verge of a tantrum. I try not to otherwise.

[idologue]

[ Lacus shouldn't be surprised that an empath like Nona can instantly tell that Vergilius irritated her, but for a moment her eyes still widen a little. ]

Hating somebody... For many people it comes more easily than loving. Having a singular goal to direct your feelings towards, to blame for your misery... It can give the illusion that it lightens the load of your pain.

[ 'If only it weren't for you-!!' 'If only it weren't for that group of people-!!'

The easy way out. ]

[stilllovesyou]

Yeah.

[Of course she's noticed this too. It's the reason why Pash hates them of course, it's the reason why Hot Sauce hates all zombies and zombie lovers.]

I think I felt hate when I was getting really worked up in the trial. I got so upset that I wanted to scream at him until he never spoke again.

[idologue]

[ It's not an unreasonable response to all that Lobelia did today. Not in the slightest. ]

... but you were pulled back from it.

[ Lacus is so glad that Crea was there for her. ]

How do you feel now?

[stilllovesyou]

Tired mostly.

[She yawns, as if on cue.]

And sad. A little sad. I liked Vergilius. I wish he'd stayed alive to see his dream.

[idologue]

[ Tired is a comparatively soft and gentle thing to feel. Lacus is glad for it - Nona's emotions not quite working in the same tune as everyone else's really has its upsides. ]

What was his dream? I don't think I have made enough of an effort to get to know him...

[stilllovesyou]

He said he wanted a new world. A better world. One where everyone can be happy and live peacefully. Even people like Sonya. He said that children wouldn't have to worry.

It was a nice dream.

[It's probably not something she should be sharing like this, she thinks that maybe Vegilius would be shy about it, but he's gone now.]

[idologue]

[ Even people like Sonya?

It hits her like a truck. Because isn't that the whole reason she's been holding onto Lobelia? A dream of a world where even people like Lobelia can know happiness, without stomping on the happiness of others? Some kind of utopia that boggles the mind so much it is almost impossible to imagine? She'd been grasping at the outlines of it, desperately trying to get a clear image and-- ]

... even people like Lobelia as well, right? That's what a world of total happiness is, that's...

[ Is this why they died the way they did? Proof of concept?

No, she's probably just projecting. But the thought still clutches her heart and makes it tight. ]

[stilllovesyou]

I think so. I think even him. He didn't like many people, but he wanted peace and happiness for everyone so I think even if he didn't like Lobelia, he still probably wished for a world where even he could be happy.

[She can't ask him though, can she.

Nona rubs her hand over Lacus' arm.]

You want it too, don't you? That world?

[idologue]

[ Steadying herself again, Lacus nods. ]

I do. It's a complicated wish, but I'll continue holding onto it.

[ There are so many things she'd like to ask Vergilius now. It's entirely too late for that. ]

[stilllovesyou]

I don't think Vergilius thought he'd ever see it.

[It's sad, but, he was right wasn't he?]

Maybe you're stronger... I wish I could be around to see it too.

[idologue]

I don't know if I will see it either... but I will make sure to pave the way to it.

[ In the end, Utopia isn't built overnight and also not within a human lifetime. An ideal is an ideal, something to work towards and see things improve bit by bit. ]

Is there nobody in your world who would try to create such a future for you to see?

[stilllovesyou]

Some people might like to. I think Palamedes might like to.

But I don't think I'll ever see them again.

[idologue]

[ ...? ]

Why is that?

[stilllovesyou]

Um.

[She said too much again.]

I'll tell you later. I promise. For now, I should... check on Beel! [She brushes sand off her skirt.] Yes, he's probably awake and really hungry and I need to make sure he doesn't eat Xiao!

[idologue]

[ Well, this is... very concerning. It's change of pace from worrying about the dead, but not exactly a welcome one. ]

... I'll be waiting for when you're ready.

[ The Beel thing is an obvious excuse, but she's not going to call it out because Beel honestly could use some friendly company when he wakes, anyway. ]

[stilllovesyou]

[She fidgets nervously, as if debating whether to tell her now. But... it's too close. Too far.

She hesitates a moment longer before saying...]

I love you, bye!

[And running off.]